A Letter to Baby S’s Birth Mom

Dear Molly* ~

Five days ago the baby boy you gave birth to was delivered to our home by a state worker.  I know that you chose to leave the hospital after having him, and that you never once asked to see him after he was born.  You never held him, never looked at him, never asked if he was okay.

I can’t imagine that.

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I struggled to get pregnant and once I was pregnant I was terrified that I would do something to effect the babe growing inside of me.  I was so scared in the delivery room, and I remember breathing a sigh of relief once that indignant cry filled the air. I wanted nothing more than to hold my baby, to study her features, count the tiny fingers and toes, and say “I love you” as many times as I could.

When they took my babies to the nursery I couldn’t wait to get out of the recovery room to see them, and once I held them – that was it.  I looked into those eyes and I knew that I would do everything in my power to love them, honor them, cheer for them, protect them and guide them in the life ahead.

When I looked into the eyes of your son, I made the same promises to him.

We will love him, honor him, cheer for him, protect him and guide him to the best of our abilities.

You and I are forever linked through this tiny babe.  That will never change.  I don’t understand your lifestyle choices, or how you could walk away from the miracle that this tiny babe is.  I have a million questions that will probably never be answered, and when he asks about you there will be a lot of blanks.

In spite of all this – I have to say thank you.

Thank you for carrying this precious baby.

Thank you for putting up with the pain, the discomfort, the heartburn, the nausea.

Thank you that even though you planned on walking away, you gave him life.

For that, I will be grateful to you – and that is what I’ll tell our son when he asks about you.

The Good Family ~ Ken, Aurie, Sophie, and Bella

aurie (2)

*name has been changed

Comments

  1. Your birth mother letters always make me cry! Praying blessings over you, your sweet babies and the many families you encourage.

  2. Yes – thankful for this precious baby, the woman who birthed him, and the family that welcomes him!!

  3. Beautifully said.

  4. Aurie, very well said and touching!

  5. I too cannot imagine walking away from a sweet babe such as he is…but yes, thanks to the mom for carrying him when I’m sure she had the pressure to terminate him. And by delivering him into this world, she gave you guys another chance to love another precious babe, and him an opportunity to know God!

  6. Perhaps this mother’s heart could not handle seeing her baby after he was born. Perhaps this decision to not see him, hold him or ask about him was the only coping mechanism she had to be able to give him up completely.

    • Perhaps – and we’ll know what she walked away. I’m so thankful that she carried him to term and gave him life.

  7. I give thanks for the birth mothers in our lives. Two of our children were adopted and they not only gave their child life, but then chose us to be their child’s forever parents and gave them a forever family. I could not imagine walking away, but as you said, she chose life overall and not this little one has a chance to make a difference. Blessings to you and your journey.

    • Yes! I can’t imagine if she has chosen to end his life. There is no judging here – just thankfulness that for whatever reason, she gave him life! Blessings on your family :)

  8. Aurelia Fischer says:

    You said it all…. beautifully … and with lots of love.

  9. Beautiful. Just beautiful.

  10. So beautiful Aurie…much love to all of you. We cannot wait to meet him!

  11. Jackie Hazlett says:

    Very beautiful! And perhaps she knew what she was doing for him what would be best for him and knew if she saw her asked about him she might change her mind. Whatever her reason…. I’m happy that she made the choice to give him life and that you are there to care for him. Hope to meet him soon :)

  12. Such a sweet letter!! Baby S is going to be so cared for!! I hope the adjustments are going well!

  13. So beautiful!!! I recently wrote a letter to our kids birth mom to thank her and make her some promises about the kids. It was so therapeutic for me! Our worker said it was encouraging for her to read as well.

    • I’ve found that writing the letters is so therapeutic for me as well! It’s a safe way to let my emotions out and say things that I’ll never be able to say to them face to face :)

  14. Beautiful, my friend. Prayers and blessings are being showered upon your family, especially that sweet, sweet, baby right now. Love to you… lots of love.

    • Love right back – you know that this would be seriously harder if we didn’t have an awesome community praying for us, right? We are truly blessed!!

  15. Love this. Love you. Love your family ministry. Praying!

  16. Debbie T says:

    I would like to echo what a few others say and share it from my own experience as a birth mom. Just like every child, you know every mom is unique.

    I was blessed to be the birth mom in an open adoption. I’m not sure I could have gone through with it any other way. I have watched my son grow into a handsome young man due to the unimaginable grace and love from the mom who raised him. Not seeing him was not an option for me.

    But it was also excruciating for me. To hold him, count his fingers and toes, smell his downy hair and stroke his beautiful face after he was born. KNOWING I could not do this forever. Knowing he would call someone else “mama” and run to her with his owies and heartbreaks and love and excitement. I was fully aware of what I was giving up and it was a lot to bear. I can totally understand why some moms would rather not experience THAT depth of the loss. I get why some moms don’t want to see or touch or kiss the child they bring into the world that will be raised by someone else. I couldn’t do that myself, but I understand the pain and loss.

    It is SO GOOD that you love Baby S and for being appreciative to his mother. She may never know it, but Baby S will and THAT matters most.

    Congratulations on your growing family!!!

    • Debbie – thank you SO much for sharing your story! What a blessing you are to the son that you gave life to!! I can’t begin to imagine how difficult that decision was, or how painful and bittersweet it was to watch him grow from afar.

  17. What a sweet letter! But how sad, too, that this woman didn’t care anything about her son. No, that’s not right; she cared enough to give him life when many wouldn’t have. That is amazing.

  18. OH my word. You make me want to foster. I wonder if it would really be right for us, I can’t imagine how your heart must ache sometimes and also be filled with love and joy.

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